For our new beginnings…

I don’t know where to start but one thing for sure, this will be our end.

We were lovers for more than a year and a stranger after that. I don’t know why did we choose the million reasons to leave than the only reason to stay. Yes, I know how we really love each other but I also know why we need to leave each other. We keep on hurting ourselves unintentionally and that made us weaker. I hope you could find someone different from my personality. You know what, Im really thankful that you confessed how much I really differ from your ideal woman. 😭 Why does fate let us met when he knows how disparate are we? Why did he let us fall in love with each other?

I dont know, there are mo much thoughts.
I can’t.
I can’t really think clearly.
But one thing Im sure,
I can’t marry anyone if it’s not you.
I know I should stop chasing the idea of what love should be and start recognizing what love is.
Because Fate destined us to be with each other.
And this will be our beginning, to more of understanding our differences. I love you and I always will.

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What Am I Really to You? 

💎 
I am a Diamond,

That you have just picked somewhere,

And assumed that I am just the anal part of a glass,

Cause’ you’re afraid to go to a jewelry store,

And see what I really WORTH. 
🌺 
I am a fragrant flower,

That you brought home with pride and happiness,

Then you forgot to water me,

And leave until I withered.
🎖
Never thought that I could also be a medal,

You did your very best just to win me,

But then after you have me,

You left me hanging on the wall,

And leave until I get rusty.
What am I really to you? 

Im sorry.

Sorry because I keep on comparing our love life with what I see on social media but you can never blame me because everything turned out as routine maybe because we’re too comfortable with each other. I can’t remove the fact that you aren’t afraid that I might leave you because you already no that I really could’nt. Mark, please, be a Man and do what I really deserve. I love you 😔

Thinking Less

When I say I’m thinking less, it doesn’t mean that I’m an impulsive person who don’t reckon and assess every decisions I make. Seeing that “thinking less” means not worrying how others judge, criticize or compare me. Knowingly everyone is unique in their own ways, I maybe a terrible other but I will always be an amazing me. I don’t wanna be a terrible person who just wants to fit in in a society that depends happiness on other people. 

Reasons why..

I’m still struggling with this pain. Yes, I wanna graduate with honor because my parents are pressuring me and I want that to. As a matter of fact, being cum laude is only a title but that’s too fulfilling when you are an achiever since elementary. It’s like the first leaf on a seed you’ve planted. Evidently, there’s a great difference from finishing you course with effort and not.

Every time my father introduces me to his buyers, friends, clients, relatives and other people who goes into our house, no one is exempted to hear some brag that I study at PUP and will graduate as Cum Laude because I am a consistent dean’s lister. It’s kinda overwhelming but pressuring as well. Until I reached third year second semester, I got a low grade (2.75) that disqualifies me to run for latin honor. I got depressed, no matter how positive I am. I did everything, I studied everything, I gave extra effort with all of the requirements and tests and sometimes forgot my health and social life for that but no matter how hard I work for that, if it’s not really meant to be, it is not. Night, days, weeks and month already passed by but I’m still feeling the pain, My heart can’t absorb the reality that I can’t graduate with flying colors even though how frequently my mind keeps on telling my heart that I’ll be successful without the entitlement.

I know, time heals everything, there’s a greater opportunity when I enter the corporate world. Who knows, I’ll be a lawyer someday? I may not always end up where I thought I will be but I’ll end up where I am meant to be. I just let God build my life.

Always

I am a person who always see the bad in me. I tend to overthink everytime I see something I don’t have or something I am not good of. I always wanted to be like any other person who’s smart, cool, fun, sexy, pretty, and loved by everyone. How could I be me if I am like this? Maybe, this is I am, wanting to be someone better.